How to Rebuild Trust in a Relationship

I hear this all the time, ‘can I trust him/her?’  My first response is ‘this is about trusting yourself first’.  What does that really mean?  

We meet someone and think everything is perfect.  They love the same music, the same food, omg they even love the same sports how totally perfect.  It is often referred to as the honeymoon period of a relationship.  Even with new friends and people we work with there is a sense of newness, openness and perfection because we see the reflection of the divine in the mirror of life. We see our own soul being reflected back to us and therefore make this ‘perfect’ connection; they are just like you!  The perfect connection is your own divinity gazing back at you through this person.  It is a wonderful discovery to find someone so similar and often we get disappointed that this perfection disappears. 

Reality shows up as it often will to show you another aspect of the code of your own soul.  Then things go a little wonky and you doubt your decision.  Can I trust this relationship?  Do I stay, do I go? Lots of chaos shows up for the purpose of your experience in discerning if this is for your best, highest and holiest good.  It can be as simple as someone not calling when they said they would. Your mind starts to remember your last relationship of betrayal and now you are on a roller coaster ride to emotional hell.  You get to live out your karma drama through the play of life and these people are the actors in your play.

Women and men do have the same trust issues and unfortunately the memory of a betrayal in a relationship often triggers fear down to your toenails. If you are really honest with yourself, you have an unconscious list in your head of your requirements for relationships.  Get clear on the conscious level of what that list of requirements is spiritually, mentally, emotionally and physically.  Start with the spiritual value system first.  What is your belief system and is it important for someone you share time with to have that same system of belief?  This is not necessarily about religion but the code of the soul in how you wish to live your life.  

The code of the soul is part of your divine plan that you co-authored and continue to edit as you experience life.  Some may refer to life as a spiritual standard of living.  Define that for yourself.  Be honest and clear, write it down and circle the most important elements of living a life that is soul based and inspired.  Is it important that your personal intimate relationships believe in a higher power?  Exactly what does that mean?  This is only one of many items you may wish to consider and own for your personal journey of truth and authenticity.  

New relationships can also mean old relationships that have an opportunity to grow and evolve to the next level.  You reach a point that you are ready to jump and dump the relationship but what if you spent some time within yourself and would like to consider a renewal of that relationship and rebuilding trust at a higher level?  This is a gentle journey of the soul. This takes time.  You will have to be able to let the past stay where it was created which is in the past to move forward.  Stop referring to the mistakes people make.  Focus on the joy and positive aspects of this relationship no matter who it is. If they continue to break your trust, you will have to consider, ‘will we grow together, or do I go?” Then determine how you can grow or how you will consciously end the relationship and go. 

We live in a world that is so fast paced that we always feel something better is right around the corner.  Honestly, I can tell you that you will take your issues with you to the next relationship unless you work on them NOW.  Karma is merely unfinished business.  Wouldn’t it be great to complete the lessons around the karma of betrayal and trust and move into soul evolution and forward movement?  

How do you start?  One of my favorite sayings is ‘put your spiritual glasses on’.  Get off the crazy stage of life with all the karma drama and imagine you are sitting in the audience watching.  Do you really want to jump back in this play of karma drama showing you fear of loss and betrayal, or can you see the reality of your own beliefs and actions?  Take some time, turn off the electronics and get quiet.  Take out a journal and start to write:  Divine Love is my natural state of being.  Then see what happens when you start to write.  Allow wisdom to speak the voice of truth activated by the Divine state of your heart and soul.